Monday, May 23, 2011

#10 To-Do

Read the news

I had a fiance break up an engagement once. I went to work the next day and tried to be strong. I lamented to my co-worker about how sad I was and he replied, "Well if that is the hardest thing in your life, you ought to be grateful." 
I was furious and so hurt. I held back the tears until the end of work while I muttered rude things about him under my breath. 

When the sting of his comment wore off, I thought about what he said. I read the news. I read about poverty and hunger. I read about people who had loved ones die in tragic accidents. I read about the economy and so many people losing their jobs, filing for bankruptcy and losing their homes. 
As I sat in my clean and safe apartment and thought of my fridge stocked full of food, a steady paycheck, a functioning car, my health, my proximity to my family, a church calling, and a phone full of numbers of people I could call in an instant; I felt very grateful. Now honestly, the gratitude wore off in a few minutes and I started feeling sorry for myself. But I tried to keep up to date on national politics, local news, and foreign wars as the months continued. Each day, I felt a little more gratitude and less self pity. Until there was finally a point where I could confidently say, yes I am very grateful that my fiance breaking up with me is the hardest thing I have on my plate right now. 

Now, no one is telling you that you must feel that way the day after a break up. (Well some people might, but don't listen to them.) Peace takes time. The path to healing is not going to be overnight, but if you do wallow in self pity for weeks on end without any attempt to move on, then you're not helping anyone. In fact you are just hurting yourself more. Try to take the small steps. Just one news article today. Little strides forward each day. Listen to the hardships about people around you, and I promise yours will seem smaller. 

A year after my fiance broke up with me, I had a friend find out his wife was doing many inappropriate things behind his back. I got to watch the way he handled it and how difficult it was for his family. There were hospital visits, police calls, jail visits, and a lot of heartache. It is times like these when I realize how lucky I am that my break up was just a fiance and not a husband and I think, "Wow. I have so much to be grateful for." The more I learn about the hardships of others, mine didn't seem so bad. 


  1. amen to that. its a good thing we dodged those bullets before we tied the KNOT with them. this is something to be grateful for.

  2. Thanks.... I think almost every one goes through at least one painful breakup at some point in their life...
    But there are many who go through a painful divorce, with house, covenants, kids, and other things involved, which is more painful. (Oh innocent kids)

    I better be grateful because my boyfriend broke up with me than raising my kids in a loveless marriage or hurt them with a divorce. No. I better wait until I feel secure that both of us love and trust each other.